Story: The Lord Took Me out of Suicide, Depression

A love heart drawn on the sand.
A love heart drawn on the sand.
By En RongApril 19th, 2023

“It takes some people their whole lives to be healed of the harm they experienced in their childhood.” Thank God for saving me from being hurt all my life.

In 2001, my father had an affair and abandoned my mother. I was 16 years old.

In 2002, I decided to believe in the Lord. It all began with my admission to a first-tier senior high school. However, I dropped out of school for a while because my mother could not afford to pay my tuition fees. An aunt said that believing in the Lord could make me go back to school. I so became a Christian. She looked for the chairman of a private senior high school for help. After learning about my family, the overseas Chinese chairman, whom we did not even know, waived my tuition fees.

I was only a “nominal Christian” at that time, and my only goal was to be admitted to a famous university and to lead my mother to a good life in the future through my efforts.

In 2004, my mother remarried, which was the beginning of my nightmare. My stepfather was eccentric and irritable. His children did not accept my mother. So there were often confrontations. Initially, I lived alone in the old house, and my mother would come back when she felt wronged. That was when she would blame me for all her mistakes. I was depressed with all the "verdicts." I had no shoulders to cry on, and I could not help but fall into the pain.

I originally ranked number one in my class. I thought my mother would be happy for that, but she turned a blind eye to it. Instead, she simply felt that I was her burden. I, therefore, wondered why I should be alive, and I decided to end my life.

It was a weekend when I took pills to commit suicide, but my classmate happened to telephone me. She took a taxi immediately to rush to my place. Downstairs, she came across a pastor who was talking with a group of believers. So they ran upstairs to pray for me. At that time, I already felt that I had lost some consciousness, but I became fine after they prayed for me.

Although I was saved, I did not seek the Lord. I continued to live in pain. Consequently, I did not perform well in my college entrance exams and failed to be admitted by a first-tier university.

Seeing those who used to have lower grades than me enter good colleges made me absolutely downcast and irritated. I was bothered by the thought of suicide every day. At that time, I had probably suffered from depression for three and a half years, but I did not commit suicide. Now I think it was the Lord keeping me. It was not until the last half year of my college career that I suddenly had a strong desire to read the Bible. Before that, I had never seriously read the Bible for seven years. Although I went to church on Sundays, I did not listen to a word. I did not understand the Bible, so I began to fast and pray in the hope that I could understand what God was saying in it.

After two days of fasting and praying, the Bible suddenly became clearer to me. The word of God illuminated my mind, “My parents abandoned me, but the Lord will keep me.” I had longed for love since I was a child, but I could not get it from my parents, and Jesus was willing to give me all the love. I suddenly felt that I was no longer miserable but felt very happy because I found Jesus, who said that he loved me and was willing to lay down his life for me.

Now, with the blessing of God, I have formed a family with a Christian man who loves God. We are raising two sensible, healthy, and lovely children.

- Translated by Charlie Li

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