After three years, I finally completed the reverent reading and hand copying of the Bible. In July 2019, I fell ill and was admitted to an oncology hospital. Over these years, I have experienced illness and endured significant suffering four times. Time and time again, intravenous drips, targeted therapy, and traditional Chinese medicine became my companions. I entrusted myself to God, and I pulled through.
I look at so many fellow patients who have passed away, and some are lying beside me who are still suffering. My being alive is nothing but the mercy of God on this unworthy child of His.
There was a time during my severe illness when I felt weak and stopped praying. I simply asked God to take me away and spare me from further suffering. I once asked in despair, "God, why will You not completely heal me? I began to reflect within: Have I sinned?"
However, this is grace in disguise; it is through this that we truly know that He is the true God and Saviour. It makes us understand what we should truly hold onto and depend on.
Now, I envy those co-workers in the church who can still serve, and I long to serve with the same passion as I did from the beginning. However, my legs no longer respond to my commands.
I am a believer, and I cannot continue grunting in pain every day. Praying, reading the Bible, and hand-copying the scripture daily are my obligatory lessons. Most especially when it comes to hand-copying the scriptures, sometimes I become so engrossed that I forget to eat. As I wrote and meditated on the scriptures, I began to receive spiritual nourishment and comfort for my soul. During these years of illness, believers from the church visited me in my house many times and prayed for me.
How I long to return to the church, play the piano, offer praise, listen to the pastor's sermons, fellowship with my brothers and sisters, and go out to appreciate the beautiful world that God has created.
But I do not know how much time I have left. I can only stay at home, continue to read and write the scriptures, pray, and praise.
(The author of this article is a staff worker in a church in Anshan, Liaoning Province.)
- Translated by Nonye Nancy