Once upon a time, I thought finding my prince charming was the most important thing. However, as I grew older, my criteria changed to someone "suitable." Before I knew it, I was passed my best years and my family and those around me labeled me an "old maid." Ever since, I thought I could settle for a "budget husband" - someone with financial stability - as long as I didn't find him too annoying. During that time, many fine men were interested in me, but none of them worked out. I was alone again. I started pondering WHY?
I even took this question to my former pursuers, both Christians and non-Christians. Their answers showed that very few people truly listened to my heart. I want to find a soul mate, but after endless searching, no one gave me peace other than my first love, who genuinely understood my dream.
I asked God, what should I do? Amazingly, when I placed such questions before God, my mind slowly changed. I finally understand the reason why I was still single when I was energetic again. I couldn't help but give thanks and praise to God.
The old me viewed a good husband as equal to a happy life. If that were the case and I did get married, God would probably disappear from my life because I valued the "husband" too much. Nevertheless, I'm now less obsessed after what I've been through and seeing who those men really were.
Don't force it. Don't get your hopes up.
These are my current attitudes toward marriage.
I wish to be a woman that is healthy, beautiful, positive, self-possessed, financially independent, and has depth in culture.
A spouse would be the icing on the cake, but without him, I can still live a wonderful life without regrets.
After this realization, men were no longer the focus in my life. I turned down their invitations, calls, messages, and all the ambiguity. Consequently, I set up alarms both in the morning and evening for some alone time with God. Nobody could reach me. I started going to the gym with some girlfriends, hanging out with an American girl to practice my English, learning piano, signing up for advanced Korean classes, and negotiating international trades with several CEOs.
Many years ago, I was very ambitious and worked like a man. After some setbacks, I lost my passion as well as myself. Now God helped me regain myself.
I see too many tragedies in women, and mostly because they rely too much on men. If you're lucky and meet a nice guy, then thank God. But most people don't and it's because they're not that perfect. Relying too much on men only brings stress to them. It will gradually destroy you too.
Let them go! Find your own focus in life so you won't drift off course.
Thinking back, the reason I lost myself little by little began with the teaching of the church.
The church always stresses that woman is the rib of man and man is woman's head. Therefore, what women need to do is prepare themselves to be a helper and not push their own ideas. Hearing this, I started to believe that as long as I found a good husband, where he's the breadwinner and I'm the homemaker, it was enough to just be a virtuous wife. As far as dreams and ambitions are concerned, this is against the teaching of God. I learned to hide and give up my dreams. When asked what I was going to do, I would answer that I didn't know. I could only know how to help my husband when I got married.
However, from Proverbs 31, we can clearly see that the woman of noble character is not only hardworking, has a mild character, and keeps her home in perfect order, she also has her own business and it is profitable. She is not naïve. She is very wise and speaks with wisdom. The feelings her husband has for her are more than love; they also include confidence and admiration. Likewise, her children respect her too. It appears that a "woman of noble character" does more than taking care of her family, but is excellent in many ways.
It was only recently that I realized I was utterly wrong. Single or married, no one could live my life for me; not my parents, husband, or children. My life belongs to me only and it requires me to complete it. Similarly, I need to build my relationship with God since it has nothing to do with anyone else.
If I present my whole life to God when I die and realize then that I relied on my husband too much, it would be too late. Therefore, the most important thing is to be clear about my relationship and mission in God.
Many sisters who used to attend Bible studies and Sunday services lost their passion once they got married, or they show up but their love for God is not as it was before.
Thus I thank God for giving me enough time to learn about myself and leading me to find the person that God first created. Once a woman loses the unique character that God gave her, she won't be attractive at all.
-Translated by Grace Hubl
