According to numerous pastors, it is common for their children to struggle with unbelief, resist the faith, or experience depression and even mental health challenges. This raises a pressing question: why do the children of those who have devoted their lives to the Lord often fail to embrace the faith themselves, and in some cases, face emotional or psychological issues?
Pastor Li's son is now actively involved in ministry and willingly chose to serve as a church co-worker, but this transformation did not happen overnight. He once went through a serious crisis of faith, during which he questioned God, doubted his beliefs, and refused to step into the church.
"You Have to Find the Answer Yourself."
When confronted with his son's doubts about faith, Pastor Li took an unconventional approach. Rather than trying to persuade him or offer ready-made answers, he encouraged his son to think independently and seek a personal experience of faith. "Whether it is true or not depends on whether you have thought it through and experienced it yourself," he told him. "Only then will it become your reality. Otherwise, any answer I give you is mine, not yours."
Pastor Li calmly respected his son's decision to stop attending church, saying, "Who says a pastor's son must believe in God? Faith is your relationship with God, and it's your freedom. This is your life, not mine... You are responsible for your own life."
Following this, his son did stop going to church, though he continued to long for a connection with loving people.
"I Experienced God."
The turning point came with an unexpected phone call. Pastor Li recalled that he was driving when his son called and said nervously, "I have something to tell you." Sensing something unusual, Pastor Li immediately pulled over to listen carefully. On the other end of the line, his son said, somewhat incoherently, "I experienced God."
From that moment, his son began to pray and seek faith on his own. Later, he voluntarily proposed to serve in the church, a decision made entirely of his own, without any prompting or pressure from his father.
"No Need to Live Up to Others' Expectations."
When asked by his son whether pastors' children need to meet others' expectations, Pastor Li encouraged his son to live out his true self. In response, he posed a question: "Do you need to be responsible for others? Everyone has their own thoughts and perspectives. Can you really live according to someone else's ideas?" He added, "In fact, no one has ever come to me and said that my son is not devout."
Pastor Li also respected his son's decision regarding whether to attend seminary. His son made it clear that he did not want to become a preacher and was only willing to serve as a church co-worker. Seeing that his son was loved by the congregation and served with dedication, Pastor Li expressed his contentment: "What matters most is not what one does, but how well one lives. Everyone should live a joyful life, which is not about achieving something specific."
Giving His Son Real Freedom
For a pastor, letting go of their children, respecting their individuality, and granting them true freedom is no easy task. Pastor Li was able to do so because of his faith journey—having found freedom in the truth, he was able to extend that freedom to others.
"When I stepped out of my past religious shell, I was free," he explained. "I had a relationship with God, and I learned something important—we cannot pass on faith to our children, only life." What does it mean to pass on "life"? In his view, "Life brings love and wisdom. Children will learn love and wisdom from their parents."
Pastor Li expressed regret that many pastors have handed down religion to their children in a way that brought oppression and bondage rather than freedom. Stripped of the ability to choose, some children long for freedom but don't know what it truly is. As a result, they struggle to find their identity in religion and face challenges integrating into society.
His son once confided, "I feel a little guilty living with you." Pastor Li lives a very simple life, using only necessities and modest office equipment, while his son embraces a more modern lifestyle. Pastor Li responded, "I am me, and you are you. You must not try to imitate me, and I must not impose my standards on you."
He admitted that, out of love, he naturally worries about his child. "Then I repent quickly," he added with a smile. Though he has chosen to let go, Pastor Li hasn't entirely stepped back. He affirms that "When I began my ministry, God promised me that if I take good care of His house, He will take care of my family. I am only responsible for what I should be responsible for, and I entrust everything else to God. My son is also God's child. I am not his lord—I can only pray for him and fulfill the responsibility that is mine."
Originally published by the Christian Times
- Edited and translated by Poppy Chan
