Z was born into a Christian family. His maternal grandfather and father are both pastors. Even though he grew up in a church, knew his faith since childhood, served in roles like managing the audio equipment, and financially supported his church with generosity, he describes his journey of faith before the age of 35 as "confusing and unclear." Back then, he ran an engineering company. Z could live comfortably by contracting only two projects a year, while spending the rest of the year either playing video games until the early hours or traveling with his family. While he considered himself a "good Christian," he had never completely read the Bible, and his prayer life was virtually nonexistent.
Spiritual Awakening and Answering the Call of God
However, a sudden spiritual awakening completely transformed his life. He recalls, "One day, I suddenly felt that God had been so incredibly good to me, and I had to do something to honor Him." From that moment on, he quit smoking and playing video games, but started to seriously study the Bible. He was in a state of being "filled with the Holy Spirit": waking up every day singing hymns and seeing every person as a lost soul.
The man, who had never studied, now dedicates all his gaming time as before to reading. A sister who has known him for years marveled that in even just a few months or half a year, his understanding of the doctrine, the Bible, and theology was more profound than what others might achieve in a decade. "Even till now," he said, "I constantly pray for wisdom every day so that I can understand God's words and explain them clearly to my brothers and sisters."
After this spiritual rebirth, all worldly pursuits have lost their meaning to him. Only saving souls seems truly worthwhile. He accepted God's call to become a pastor.
When he decided to close his company to become a pastor, his father, also a pastor, was reflecting on the decision in silence for an entire afternoon. Knowing the path was fraught with difficulty, his father reminded him, "Many people start out with great passion but retreat when they face hardships." However, Z was determined, "I am willing to give my life for this."
Even more surprising was the change in his wife, who had not worked since they were married. However, after witnessing his change from endless gaming to diligent studying, she was moved deeply and became his steadfast supporter. "Many people say that they pray to God to change their family members," Z noted, "but that's not quite right. When your family sees the change in you because of your faithfulness, they'll know that your God is real."
Later, Z attended a one-year training program for church volunteers. After graduating, he worked in the church office while also taking on pastoral duties. He helped the church establish an archive system, set up a library, and organize various activities.
Philosophy of Preaching: A High Regard for Sermons
Despite his busy administrative duties, Z always considers preaching as his primary responsibility. He often takes about two weeks to prepare a sermon. If he preaches on a Sunday evening, he will devote the entire Sunday afternoon to reading and familiarizing himself with the manuscript without doing anything else.
On his experience of delivering a sermon for the first time, he said, "I was so nervous that I was trembling all over as I was about to go into the pulpit, so I prayed. But I didn't ask God to take away my nervousness or fear. Instead, I asked Him to make me value every sermon for the rest of my life, and to always approach this task as if walking on thin ice."
During the process of preparing the sermons, he has experienced much guidance from the Holy Spirit. "Once, I was about to write a sermon, and I knew I should first have a topic with relevant scriptures chosen plus a clear outline in mind, as there wasn't much time left before preaching. However, with my pen in my hand, I couldn't write anything." He admited, "I could only pray sincerely before God, acknowledging that I was just an instrument and could do nothing without Him." Slowly, the words came to him like a spring.
Current Issues Among Believers
It is this high regard for preaching, combined with his background of growing up in the church, that has given Z a keen eye for the misconceptions that many Christians have. He said that the more zealous they are, the more astray they will be led due to their misconceptions.
He pointed out that anti-intellectualism and emotionalism are two of the major problems in the Chinese church. He attributes this in part to a historical context. To counter liberal theology in the early 20th century, which is based on reasoning and denies miracles, the virgin birth, and the resurrection, figures like Wang Mingdao and Watchman Nee had to strongly overemphasize spirituality and downplay the role of reasoning and knowledge in faith. This, in turn, inadvertently led Chinese believers toward an anti-intellectual and experience-based faith. Watchman Nee's "tripartite view of man" proposed that true spiritual life comes from the Spirit, which has been regenerated by the Holy Spirit, leading the whole person. Nee believed that too much reliance on the functions of the soul (including reasoning) could hinder spiritual sight. This idea had a profound influence, leading many believers to think that "knowledge is inappropriate" and to place a strong emphasis on personal, experiential expressions of faith.
Z provides an example of a middle-aged fellowship he once had: "Everyone was saying, 'I feel that this scripture says this,' but no one was seeking to understand what 'this scripture was originally meant to say.' Everyone had a different understanding of the passage with no unified standard; it was all based on personal feelings."
Another problem is that many believers base their faith on personal feelings and life experiences rather than biblical truth. Some even view suffering as a "lesson for salvation." He mentions a sister who had endured long-term domestic violence. She came to him once, not to seek a way out of her suffering, but she asked him to encourage her to continue enduring. She believed it was a "lesson" that God had given her.
The lack of a systematic foundation in truth makes many Chinese believers susceptible to cults. "Many people are drawn away by cults," Z explained, "simply because they have no foundation in the biblical truth. If someone preaches something that sounds good, they will just follow them."
Emphasizing Biblical Truth and Corrections
In response to these deep-seated misconceptions, Z's approach is to insist on "correcting with biblical truth."
He refuses to preach messages that make people "comfortable" or convey seemingly easy content like "peace" and "blessings." Instead, he focuses on messages that "pierce the heart." He believes a big problem in the Chinese church exists in the idea of "using the quality of life to verify faith", for example, people thank God when something good happens and blame Satan when something bad happens. However, the real direction of faith is the opposite: "We first have faith, then we let our faith impact our lives."
When choosing a sermon topic, he specifically looks for common misunderstandings among believers. For instance, many people place "loving people" above all else, even above loving God, because "loving God" seems abstract, while "loving people" can be put into immediate actions. As a result, people often use "love" as an excuse to turn a blind eye to sin, believing that turning a blind eye to sin is what love is. So, he preaches on "God's judgment and the reverence of God."
He emphasizes that reading the Bible should not stop at just being familiar with the stories. People must also understand the original meaning, context, and target audience of each book. "Many people boast about how many times they've read the Bible in a year, but it's completely useless unless you try to understand what each sentence is saying."
Some teachings can over-emphasize a single biblical theme like "patience" as if it were the entirety of faith. It can feel as though if you only possess this one quality, everything else will fall into place. He said that this emphasis can give a false sense of security to those who are going through endurance: that if they endure and get through this trial, they have completed my "lesson" from God. People may even mistakenly believe that this will lead to their salvation. In fact, salvation is not earned by completing a "lesson" or trial. Such understanding deviates from the completeness of biblical truth, he said.
A Watchman's Cry
Z knows that not everyone will be receptive to this kind of teaching. "A sermon might pierce their hearts, but the next day, they might forget the title of the sermon, let alone the content." He mentions that after Jesus told the Parable of the Sower, some hearers thought it was amazing but went away afterwards. Yet, there were those who kept pressing Jesus for the meaning of the parable. Jesus then said to them, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them."
"Truth is only revealed to those who seek. If you don't seek, you will have a hard time letting the words of God in. Even if you sit there and I keep duck-feeding you, it won't get into your mind because you simply don't believe it," he said. "The biggest enemy of faith is often the 'self.' Christian faith requires denying your old self and your former worldly values, and not everyone is willing to do that."
Yet, even if he does not see changes in people, he continues his teachings in the sermons. He views himself as a "watchman." "Even if my crying-out is useless, I will keep doing it. This is the work that God has entrusted on me," he said. "We all owe the gospel. Every time I preach, I must treat it as if it's the last sermon I will ever give in this world."
Today, Z is a volunteer pastor with no social security. He receives a meager monthly stipend, and his savings are nearly used up. His future, to the world, seems bleak. Yet, he said with conviction, "My path ahead is dark, so I can only fix my eyes on God. If I ever fix my eyes on anything other than on God, I will only despair."
(Z is a pseudonym for the protection of the interviewee.)
Originally published by the Gospel Times
- Edited by Karen Luo, translated by Charlie Li
