"Father, I've accepted Jesus. I truly believe it's good. Would you like to believe too?"
"Really? You've accepted Jesus?"
"Yes."
As his father opened the family genealogy, he said, "Our family has actually believed in Christ for generations… I just never told you."
Pastor Yuan had always assumed he was the first Christian in his family. He never imagined he was merely standing at the tail end of a faith tradition spanning five generations—a spiritual lineage quietly concealed in his father's generation.
A Youth of Idealism and Questions
Born in the late 1960s in a major Chinese city, Pastor Yuan grew up as part of the generation "born after the founding of the People's Republic and brought up in the era of socialism." He was too young to have memories of that tumultuous period, but like many of his peers, his youthful dreams were simple and passionate.
In high school, a writing assignment asked, "What is your ideal?" He quoted from Pavel Korchagin: "He must so live as not to be seared with the shame of a cowardly and trivial past, so live as not to be tortured for years without purpose." At that time, his heart was filled with patriotism, void of any religious concept.
Yet his questions about the meaning of life began early. Once, as a young boy watching water run endlessly from a faucet, a thought struck him: "Why do humans live?" Though he quickly turned off the tap and walked away, the question took root, surfacing repeatedly over the years like a seed waiting to germinate.
The Search for Meaning
At university, Yuan experienced intellectual openness for the first time. He described those years as a period of "actively searching for life's purpose."
He read extensively on books written by Western philosophers such as Kant, Hegel, and Freud; Confucian, Buddhist, and Taoist texts; and ideas ranging from utopian societies to idealistic visions of harmony.
Although he gained insights, nothing fully satisfied him. Among his peers, he stood out as different—his early twenties were consumed by questions of life, death, and spiritual practice, and he was even considered mentally ill. Yuan systematically studied Buddhist texts but concluded, "All is empty." He then turned to Taoism, attracted by its pursuit of transcendence and detachment from the secular world.
"I looked at people going to work, eating, and sleeping, day after day, and I found it trivial… Why live at all? Death comes sooner or later—what's the difference?"
Yuan wasn't cynical; he was on the edge of seeking. He knew he could not settle for a purely worldly, routine life—yet he had no certain direction.
2011: Confession and Turning to Christ
Then he backpacked across the country, changing cities, jobs, and lifestyles frequently. Career was secondary; finding answers was primary.
In 2011, while living abroad with his family, everything appeared perfect externally—family harmony, stable work, comfortable life—but Yuan knew the inner void remained.
He met a Christian couple who shared their faith naturally over tea and prayed for him. During that prayer, he felt his body tremble involuntarily. In that quiet prayer, he confessed to Jesus for the first time, acknowledging Christ's death for his sins.
Following his rebirth, he devoured the Bible, reading it through from cover to cover. "When I finished, I felt at peace—this is what I was looking for." Soon after, he was baptized.
After becoming a Christian, Yuan felt called to full-time ministry. Despite being over forty, he applied to a seminary. Age was initially a barrier, but he eventually enrolled in a school that accepted older students and completed his training, stepping into ministry.
"For me, entering the church and serving full-time was really not as difficult as it might seem."
He admitted that in the past he had frequently changed jobs and careers, acting impulsively and irresponsibly. "But God also used this part of my character to help me let go of worldly attachments. Through that process, I gradually learned to submit to Him."
The Family Record: Hidden Faith Restored
Eager to share the gospel with his father at that time, Yuan witnessed the family genealogy being opened.
Its records were clear: the family had been Christian since the 11th recorded generation. Pastor Yuan's father was the 15th, and Yuan the 16th.
The faith lineage traced back to the late 19th century in the Jiaodong region of Shandong Province. In 1888, Yuan's great-great-grandfather heard the Gospel in Shaling Village (Pingdu) and was baptized. The Shaling church was established the following year, and Yuan's ancestors were active in both church and medical missions related to the Southern Baptist Convention back then.
However, due to wars and the shifting political tides of the 20th century, this heritage was silenced.
"Father never told me any of this," Yuan recalled.
Looking back, he understood that his long search was not a wasted drift. He had once thought himself a pioneer of the family's faith, only to discover he was a link, restored to a line of faith that spanned a century—he realized that the chain of faith had never truly been broken (the spiritual lineage had never been severed).
(The name "Pastor Yuan" is a pseudonym for safety reasons.)
Originally published by the Christian Times
- Edited by Poppy Chan
