Jiang Peirong and her husband Lin Weiqian gave an online lecture to share the problems in a marriage and how to solve them.
On the evening of January 16, Jiang Peirong, a Chinese American Christian author of marriage books, shared three misunderstandings related to marriage, three things that destroy marriages, and three ways to deal with problems in a marriage.
In the video lecture hosted by an educational institution, she shared three misunderstandings within marriage that need our attention. First, some people think that without a spouse they can live well. We are happy when we share our joy with others, just as we like to share photos of delicious food and daily life on our WeChat Moments. Secondly, a spouse may say that the marriage relationship is not important as long as the child is happy. Only parents who are full of happiness can bring joy to a child, as we know nothing can be poured out of an empty glass. Thirdly, somebody has said that two good persons can have a successful marriage. A couple needs to work hard to develop a good marriage, just as a good body does not mean strong muscles.
Jiang also said that it is difficult for us to have a good marriage, even if we are aware of these things.
She mentioned three things that destroy a marriage. The first is selfishness. We often think our spouse is selfish instead of seeing our own selfishness. But each partner needs to think about the needs of their spouse and work to satisfy their spouse. A second problem that can destroy a marriage is when children dominate family relationships and parents plan everything for their children, whom they think as their own possessions. The third issue Jiang mentioned is the emotional baggage that persons bring to a marriage. Anger is a second-level emotion while injury, guilt, isolation, depression, embarrassment and depression are first-level emotions that we need to pay attention to.
In response to these issues, Jiang made three suggestions on how to get rescue a troubled marriage. First we can say “I need your help” instead of “You should…” Vulnerability is the key to good communication. Secondly, husbands and wives need to complement each other. Our children will benefit from living in a family where the relationship between spouses is like a zipper pulling two different pieces of fabric together. Thirdly, the harm caused by our extended families needs healing, which can prevent negative effects being passed on to our children.
Finally, she also gave a few tips on marriage management. The first was to learn to how to control our emotions; the second was to draw boundaries and carry our own loads; the third was that we can ask others for help when we can’t solve some problems; the last was to care for ourselves to prevent negative emotions that affect others.
(The original article is published by Christian Times.)
-Translated by Abigail Wu